Check Your Attitude...

"Behind every great kid is a parent that is pretty sure they are screwing it up." I read this on Pinterest today and I thought...YEP! I believe that!!!
I've spent a multitude of moments lately wondering where in the world all of the teenage attitude is coming from.  Biting my tongue through the "What mother?" "Why are you looking at me like that?" and my personal fave "Whatever!"...ahhhh parenthood!
This is a road I started down a bit earlier than I had dreamed.  Small town, class of 38 kids, President of the National Honor Society and a member of the county wide youth awareness program, (you know, the one that teaches teens to be responsible)...pregnant at 17.  Talk about a smooth move!  What a way to start my Senior year!!
But...it happened. Like everything else in life, you just deal with it.  I, nor any member of my family were jumping for joy at the announcement but everyone quickly moved past the shock and on to acceptance, there was no other option.  A baby was on the way!!
A handsome baby boy was born in the fall of 1993, a day that changed my life forever.  Cradling and kissing this beautiful baby I had no idea the joys and smiles and tears that lie ahead.  He was an easy baby, and easy babies spoil us :-)
Now, fast forward...switch fathers (shocking that high school romance didn't end in a fairy tale...write that one down!), add a wedding ring and 3 more kids, a couple of houses, a few animals and a minivan!     Living the dream!  I worked in retail management at a children's clothing store...my kids looked like the walking Gymboree ad!! Matchy ~ Matchy! All dolled up!  Typical American family.
Fast forward again...now they still look cute, but WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THE ATTITUDE?
Paying for my raising!!  I was a pretty good kid for the most part, didn't really cause a big stir...until I got knocked-up that is.  But...I did have a teenage attitude! I didn't much appreciate being relocated in  middle school and there was a fair amount of SAS that came along with that.  As well as the typical, tongue lashing that came from things like, waking me up.  My mother, like all mother's used the phrases, "One of these days!" and "When you have children you will understand" and the best one "I hope you have children just like YOU!" HEAVEN HELP ME!!
My easy child...God love him...hasn't really shown me too much attitude.  Always fairly agreeable, loving and compassionate. He is still to this day, 19 years old, very much aware of his tone toward his mother...and I appreciate it more than he will ever know!! My only real challenge with him is his attention...and that he pays none! I used to say "Son, we may have to have your head surgically removed from your rear!" and during these moments I have also been known to shake my head and utter the words (not to him of course, I'm not mean!) "This is why you should not have premarital sex!"... Good Grief!!  But I digress...
But, that second child...spirited from the very first breath she took, all 3 pounds 10 ounces of her...she is giving me a run for my money!! She graced us with her presence 7 weeks early.  Tiny, fragile... deceiving!! LOL...  She has been a rebel from the start. A tired Momma asks, "Oh, you have a cough?" poor baby, let me give you some medicine and since it's late ( you know...after 7) let me make it the Night Time formula...HA!! Guess who had the adverse reaction to that stuff...She did! Pulled an all nighter in a bean bag watching episode after episode of Barney, just what she wanted to do in the first place...I should have known then that I was being challenged! No hair for 2 years, then it was FINALLY long enough for piggy tails, being a girly-girl myself I was so excited...she grabs the scissors, hides behind the rocker and cuts one off!  Ask her to clean her room...NOT A CHANCE...threaten to pack it up and haul it off?  Go ahead...phased her none!! I've spent 16 years looking at this child in AWE of the obstacles that she dominates and the buttons she can push...and the fact that more often than not she gets what she wants!! I try to pick my battles, I've bit my tongue and walked away from things what would have had me picking my butt up off the floor at her age.  She leaves me speechless...a lot!  So what to do???
I feel confident that I am raising good kids. They are not trouble makers, or hellions or pot heads.  They help the less fortunate, they hold the door for others, they know how to conduct themselves in public and they are model students.  BUT...I really spend time in thought regarding whether there will come a moment that I will be pushed too far, and one hateful comment will make me snap and look like a psychopath!  Luckily, most of this is saved for the privacy of our home.
I recall a time, not that long ago that I received a text from a teacher at the school telling me what a wonderfully kind child I had.  How she came up to the teacher everyday to say Hello and ask how she was.  To tell me how she always had a smile for everyone.  I will admit, I thought she had the wrong number!! BUT...at least she uses her manners in public!
This year has been hard on everyone.  Some have taken it harder than others.  Some have dealt and some have hid. Some have helped and some have used it to their advantage.  But one thing is BLAZINGLY OBVIOUS...we have lead by example.
This beautiful, talented, spitfire I have...she is watching me.  And I believe she has been all her life. She is who I was...more so, she is who I AM, be it 20 years difference.  I can be honest with this child and she can be honest with me.  When she lashes out at me, I can hear myself.  When she demands that things he her way, I fight her on it...even though that is how I acted.  She is entitled, and that infuriates me, but you can hardly fault someone for asking for what they want out of life.  And while I can look at my life now and see that if she follows in her mothers footsteps she will be OK, the path she will take to get there scares the crap out of me!!
I have taught her well on many levels...but the one I feel I am failing is respect.  Not so much for others, but for me.  I don't believe in parenting with an iron fist.  I believe that there is more than one way to accomplish things.  I DO NOT believe that you should parent all of your children the same way...they are all different.  But..."What Mother? What do you have to say to me?"...this is phrase that if repeated...will not end well!  I have made poor choices over the years, we all have...having it used against me was not something I was prepared for, especially not from a high schooler.  Last week I asked her to clean her room, and her reply was "Why does it matter to you, you don't even live here"...Oh Hell NO!! Talk about a red flag!!  I have moments of complete fear of this adventure called parenthood...even 19 years into it.
I don't think that you ever stop learning this job.  I am still amazed everyday that I have kept them alive all these years. That they can tie their shoes, and get good grades and be a benefit to society.  When they sing I get tears in my eyes.  When they laugh I can't stop smiling.  And sadly enough, when they give me that attitude that makes me want to smack them in the mouth, I am thankful that they have chosen to give it to me...because I can not imaging living without them.
I wasted a day or a month or a year of my life not living in the present moment and not dealing with the issues that I needed to...and some of those issues had to do with my kids.  Those moments I will never get back...I lost hugs, and tears and attitude!!
All I can say is that I will not let it defeat me...I will use everyday I have left on this earth guiding them. And one day..a llllooooonnnnngggg time from now, I will throw my head back and utter an evil laugh when I say "Just you wait my pretty...your day will come...and I hope your kids act JUST LIKE YOU!!"...and if they do, it will all be fine!