See How Easy That Is!?!

My parents divorced at the beginning of my 7th grade year and that winter my Mom started seeing Larry.  It had always been pretty quiet at our house, never too much talk between my sister and I, bed time was BED TIME...not chatter time, and I slept with the door open and no noise, as it should be!
Larry had 2 kids of his own that lived with their mother and he had them on the weekends.  One weekend his daughter Katie stayed the night with me, as we had spent some time with them over the past few months.  Katie was a talker...and that is an understatement!! I remember sitting on my bed and listening to her chatter on about everything under the sun, but mostly BOYS! LOL! She didn't want to sleep at all, I thought she would never be quiet.  But I survived the slumber(less) party and on her way she went the next day.  Mom and Larry didn't waste much time falling in love and getting married, as a matter of fact they tied the knot in June, just before my 8th grade year.  Being as though we lived in Wyandotte and he lived in Quapaw, someone was making a move.  It was us.  I didn't want to leave the home that I knew and the friends that I had since kindergarten, I begged to stay...to no avail, we were packing up and heading to the Big Q-town!
They weren't married long before they got a call from Larry's ex-wife one morning saying that his kids would be coming to live with us...THAT DAY!  So we went from one house to another and from 2 kids to 4, pretty quickly!
When you are with the "other children" every now and then you don't get the full concept of who they are. When you SUDDENLY have to share a room with them...you get to know TOO MUCH, and Katie and I had to share a room.
Remember what I said, no chatter...door open...no noise!  Katie slept with the door closed, fan on high,
and the radio on...and she talked, even in her sleep!  Thankfully that roommate situation didn't last long and we added more bedrooms to the house. The new addition was added above the garage, 2 bedrooms and a bath...so now we only shared the 2nd floor, not the same bed.  Still yet, every night she would come to my room, lay in MY bed and begin her long drawn out conversation (with herself!) about her day, her life and BOYS!  Drove me NUTS! I learned to tune her out and just fall asleep because even flat out telling her to shut up and get out of MY room didn't work.  She was 2 years older than I was, so I was in for at least 3 years of this.
Adjusting to a new family was not easy, I disliked the fact that I was FORCED to move, I was a teenager...therefore I knew everything and was always right, my step dad was NOT my real dad and his children I affectionately referred to as "My mother's second husband's adopted children"...good times to say the least.  Incorporating two very different families into one certainly has its challenges.
If you recall from an earlier blog about my grandmother, we were treated to fancy things now and again.  One particular event was a wedding reception in Tulsa at the top of the Summit Club downtown.  Fancy place, fancy food, fancy people...just my cup of tea!  The "whole family" went to this event and I was literally appalled. They didn't know how to act at such a place, they didn't know how to sit and how to eat.  There was a picture with my stepbrother with his arm around a statue in the foyer and I cringed that he was allowed to have FUN, we were supposed to behave like proper adults!
Of course, I got mad and did not enjoy the reception, I had let them ruin it for me.
One of my stepdad favorite phrases is "See how easy that is!?!"...after any sort of comment, any sort of conflict, the premise was YOU ARE MAKING THIS TOO DIFFICULT..."See how easy this is!?!"
When I threw a fit about his kids acting like kids..."GET OVER IT...SEE HOW EASY THAT IS!?!"
It wasn't easy, not at all.  While we didn't fight all of the time, we certainly didn't enjoy each others company. Dinner time, see who could shovel in their food the quickest and remove themselves from the table.  Family time, Lord help us...please don't make us do that and PLEASE stay away from MY MIMI, I was not sharing!
The years wear on and you change and adapt...and IGNORE and you don't realize until years later that you learned.
We grew up with out killing each other.  We learned to live together.  But let me tell you...Katie NEVER stopped talking!
As we graduated and moved out and moved on with our lives Katie and I would still talk, and when she called I was on the phone for a while.  We both had kids, and lives and things in common at this point so the conversation was a two way street.  Now we were friends. SEE HOW EASY THAT WAS!?!
Fast forward a few years, a few more kids and a few lessons learned to 2003.  She was in a troubled relationship and there was some abuse, we talked about this and she had made the decision to leave her husband and move back to Arkansas where she had lived previously.  Three little boys in tow, she was staying with my parents until after the holidays and then she would be off.  Her 30th birthday was on December 15 and I kept her kids while she went out to celebrate and then she came back to stay the night with me...and she TALKED, 90 to nothing all night! Just like the good ole' days!
1 week later I got a call that said that she was in the hospital...unconscious, non-responsive, ventilator. My first reaction was "now what"...I've left out a lot of poor decisions, bad relationships and drama that followed her around...Upon arrival at the ER I was told the story.  Her husband had called her back to their apartment to pick up Christmas presents that he had bought for the boys, not being comfortable about going alone she took a friend/coworker with her.  The friend stayed in the car and Katie said "if I'm not out in 10 minutes, call the police." Into the apartment she went and shortly there after her husband called to the friend that Katie needed help carrying the gifts out, she proceeded in to find Katie unconscious, he then proceeded to violate the friend in ways that I won't get in to.  Katie awoke to grab a boot and hit him and give the friend a chance to run free and go for help.  By the time that help arrived however, Katie was nearly gone, he had strangled her with an extension cord.  The paramedics kept her alive and got her to the ER, but she was not good.  This was December 22, 2003.  With no improvement made and no brain activity, we as a FAMILY decided to turn off life support on December 24, 2003...she lived about 10 minutes.  She left behind 3 little boys, the youngest was only about 18 months old.
What I wouldn't give to have her talk my leg off!!  I sometimes laugh late at night as I fall asleep with the TV on because I need the noise to distract me.   When my children act like "children"...it's not that big of a deal. SEE HOW EASY THAT WAS!?! I wish that I had learned these lessons so much earlier in life.  I wish that I wasn't so resistant to individuality when I was younger.  I wish I had learned to just have FUN, I think that I probably missed out on things. I could have a learned a lot from her if I have just gotten over my view of how things were supposed to go.
Be tolerant of each other...be engaged...be open to change.  Simple lessons are often the hardest to recognize, SEE HOW EASY THAT IS!?!